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When it comes to relationships, there is no special formula, and love isn’t always enough to form a long-lasting bond with someone. Some of us might suck at love while others might just excel at it, irrespective of how much we love our partners.
Finding that special person isn’t always easy. And sometimes we end up going through several relationships before finding the one that ‘feels just right’. Dating or marrying for the sake of looks, money, height or other arbitrary factors tends to worsen our case in the long run. Being with someone because they are physically attractive is no guarantee that the relationship will last.
Genuine love comes as a result of connectivity, bond and a good amount of relationship time. With these in place, genuine love is inevitable. Falling in love and maintaining a deep level of connectivity are two different things. It takes just a moment to fall in love, but in the case of deep connection, it might take a longer time.
For your relationship or marriage to grow, you need to be able to share a great amount of connection with your partner. Before I show you a few habits of deeply connected couples, let me first of all highlight some red flags to note down when you no longer share a strong connection with your partner;
- You have lost connection with your partner when you no longer seek his support. Sometimes you might be going through stuff and rather than share with him, you would rather keep things bottled up. If he also chooses not to meet you for help when he is troubled, then he is also losing connection with you. Seeking his support does not make you are weak. It means you love and trust him enough to be there for you when you need help. He might not be able to help you directly, but being with you throughout the storm makes the journey entirely worth it.
- When you no longer feel the urge to spend quality time with him. This is an obvious sign that everyone should know. In the beginning, you could spend the whole day with him. In fact, you could be with him for hours and it would still feel like a minute to you. But now you would rather be doing something else than spend quality time with him. If he always tells you he is busy with work on something else always seems to be taking his time unlike before, then just know he is losing touch with the relationship.
- You no longer feel happy being with your partner. This is perhaps one of the worst things that could happen to someone in a relationship and could even signal the end of the relationship. At the beginning of everything you felt he was your ‘world’ and the only thing that made complete sense in this crazy world. But now, you no longer feel the same way.
- You find yourself easily irritated by him or vice versa. When you are around him, you find yourself becoming tense and critical of everything he does. Maybe he drops his dirty laundry on the floor instead of in the laundry basket, you get annoyed and even yell at him or show great displeasure in the most provocative way. Even the slightest things he does might get you mad easily.
These are just a few points you might want to note down. You should be afraid when you notice that you and your partner no longer share a deep connection and should do everything possible to build back that connection. It might be extremely difficult depending on how far you guys have drifted, but at the end of the day, you will find out that it was actually worth it.
Now here are a few things you should be scared of if you are not deeply connected with your partner…
- Lack of connection drifts you guys apart. An invisible wall slowly builds between you and your partner that is even stronger than any physical wall. You guys begin to spend less time together, talk less, go out on lesser dates and find it extremely difficult to have time for each other.
- It prevents you or your partner from fully committing. Once you guys lose that connection, you become emotionally distant and the desire for either of you to fully commit to the relationship slowly dies out.
- You no longer enjoy the relationship. Every relationship is meant to be enjoyed. Although at some point, the relationship might go through hell, and the ability to weather the storm together will determine how connected you are with your partner. The purpose of every relationship is to both go through the good and bad times together; and when there seems to never be a good time in the relationship, then there is something amiss. If you find yourself having never-ending fights with your partner every single day, and there are always issues that never seem to have an end, then you need to rethink the whole relationship thing with him. Sometimes you might fight, but the beauty of every relationship is the good times you also share together that makes it worthwhile.
- It can lead to an early breakup if you guys no longer feel that deep connection. You lose the desire and urge to keep the relationship going and you feel the relationship no longer serves its purpose.
Do you always envy couples that seem to display the greatest affection for one another whenever you see one? Perhaps you just want to imbibe this level of connection between you and your lover or spouse in your relationship to enable you to have a beautiful relationship.
To make this possible, we have prepared a list of things you need to know and practice with your better half to give you a chance at a better, happier and long-lasting relationship…
1. Deeply Connected Couples share everything
You need to be able to open up to your partner even in the most difficult of situations and share the most intimate of secrets with one another. This is quite different from being a talkative or sharing deep secrets about yourself that you might end up regretting. But rather, it’s about being free with your partner to the point that you will be able to open up on issues bothering you or share things you hardly share with other people.
If you find yourself unable to share things with your partner, it shows that your relationship isn’t as strong as you let on. Keeping secrets from your partner no matter how little is a road that often leads to despair in a relationship.
Most people keep things from their better half out of fear of what might happen to the relationship if they say the bitter truth. As they fear their relationship might come to an end or never be the same again if they speak up. These often make people hide vital information from their partners for a long time without letting them know.
An example could be in a case of cheating on your partner. Hiding such vital information could destroy all the trust and intimacy you have built up within a twinkle of an eye if uncovered. In such a case it would be better to open up to your partner and seek forgiveness, rather than keeping it locked up. One little secret leads to another, that leads to another and before you know whats going on, you have an unstable house of cards built up.
Sharing things with your partner has a way of building trust, respect and creating better communication between you and your partner. With this, you will be able to increase the level of connection between you and your lover.
2. Deeply connected couples are comfortable being together
When you are deeply in love with your partner, you often want to be with him every time of the day. You want to be in contact with him often, see him smile and hear his voice. You never want to be far away from him.
If you claim to love someone and you don’t mind being far from them for a really long time or you are okay hearing from them ‘once in a while’, then there is no connection in that relationship and eventually, it will come to an abrupt end.
Couples that share a deep connection always feel relaxed and happy when they are together. They feel a sense of completeness and comfort and this, in turn, triggers a feeling of always wanting to stay around each other no matter how long because when they are together time is on standstill and they seem to exist outside of time.
They can often be seen doing things together like taking long walks, going to the movies, having frequent date nights, and generally enjoy doing anything that involves them being together.
3. Deeply connected couples have undying trust and loyalty
Trust is built over a period of time and can easily be broken in a second and once destroyed, it is extremely difficult to repair. Like I stated earlier, keeping things from your partner is one easy way of breaking the trust and bond built over time.
In love and relationship, everything revolves around trust. Once this basic which is supposed to be as solid as possible is shaky, the deep connection that every couple desire will never come into play. But in the case of couples who trust their better half, this connection will come naturally without either of the partners trying to force it.
Once you start dating your partner, you should try as much as possible to get rid of your insecurities. Especially when you are dating a partner that seems to be ‘out of your league’. This could mean many things; your partner could be way more financially stable than you are, he could be so handsome, and it could be that he gets so many admirers that all seem to be a way better option than you.
The insecurities that come into play in such a situation would make you feel you don’t deserve him. By belittling yourself you tend to lose confidence in the relationship and you find yourself afraid all the time. Chasing fears that are only in your head. You feel he might leave you at any moment for someone way better and hotter or that he might be cheating on you with someone else. When you don’t trust your partner, you will not find yourself at peace in the relationship. Losing trust in a relationship is one of the worst things that could happen to a relationship.
Giving yourself reasons to doubt your partner fills you with apprehension and fear all the time. You find yourself no longer enjoying the relationship as before. Trust is an indispensable ingredient for any relationship, without which no relationship would survive. And when there is trust, you are able to create a deep connection with your partner.
4. Deeply connected couples are problem solvers
A romantic relationship involves two totally different people coming together and bound by a single purpose–love. And sometimes love is not always enough to make a relationship rock solid. Being able to set their differences aside and work towards the common good of building the relationship is essential if there is to be a long-lasting relationship filled with love.
Sometimes, you will not always get along with your partner. Fights will always occur and how you both handle it tells of how strong the connection is between the both of you. Sometimes couples fight for the silliest reasons and you would be surprised that even the smallest things lead to breakups. There are couples that endure hell in their relationships and they are able to get themselves through it. While other couples with the slightest issues that arise you see them going their separate ways.
Deeply connected couples are able to solve problems that arise in their relationship within the shortest possible time because the longer a problem persists, the higher the chances of an escalation which can lead to a breakup or divorce if not properly handled.
Whenever a problem arises, they are able to set aside their egos for the sake of their relationship and find a solution, rather than barking at each other all day. Sometimes a simple act of humility can go a long way. Saying a simple ‘Sorry’ or admitting you where at fault can help defuse the tension and prevent a further escalation during a fight with your partner. A lot of people would rather ‘drop dead’ than admit their fault or apologize for being wrong. This can lead to a prolonged period of tension in the relationship often accompanied by the desire to stay away from each other, and giving the silent treatment.
For every beautiful relationship that you see today, there were bad and trying times when it seemed like everything was going to come to an abrupt end. But due to the resilience of the parties involved, they were able to resolve everything and leave nothing to chance.
Couples with deep connections are fighters, they never give up on love and they continue to fight for what they want and they never say never until the war is won.
5. Deeply connected couples are able to compromise
Like I stated earlier, a romantic relationship involves two different people coming together as one. A man and a woman who before now had their totally separate lives, their own ideologies, habits, likes, dislikes, independent of each other, will have to come together to make things work. In such a scenario, only one thing can make the relationship actually work for real–compromise!
Now you actually understand why loving someone will never be enough reason to make a relationship work. Compromise is the reason you will let down your ego by admitting you are at fault and apologize to your better half just to let peace reign in the relationship. Compromise will make you overlook certain things your partner does. Compromise will make you forgo some certain attitudes that might be harmful to your relationship.
A relationship without compromise will certainly never work out. Being able to make compromises for the sake of your relationship tells a great deal about how much you care for and respect your partner and their beliefs.
Just like your job, a relationship is a full-time deal. Don’t treat it like it’s part-time, because doing so will only make things worse instead of better. A toxic relationship is a relationship where there is no compromise whatsoever. There are so many situations in which you need to come to a compromise with your partner. You don’t always nned to have things your way all the time. When you enter into a relationship, you inescapably made an agreement never to think about yourself first all the time.
Even the little things like allowing your partner to decide what movie you guys should watch when at the cinema, allowing your partner decide where your next outing should be and doing something your partner likes together instead of only doing what you like would go a long way in creating a deep connection between you and your other half.
What you should always remember is that a relationship is a fulltime partnership and it should always be treated as such at all times.
6. Deeply connected couples are able to communicate nonverbally
It gets to a point in every relationship whereby you are able to see through your partner’s silence and dig deep into their soul, making meaning of every bodily and facial expression without them uttering a single word. Deeply connected couples are able to pass messages between themselves without uttering a single word.
It is really important that you are able to read your partner’s nonverbal messages because sometimes words might not be enough for them to express themselves and their predicament. It then boils down to you to decipher their body language and know something is amiss even when words fail them. When couples are able to sense the various moods of their partners without being verbally told, it is a good indicator of a healthy relationship with a deep connection.
Most times people deliberately choose not to tell their partners things bothering them. They feel they don’t need to share their burden and they just need to go through it alone. Your partner might be down emotionally and would still laugh with you and even talk to you the way he or she would any other day. The deeper the connection you share with your partner, the more likely you are able to see through their appearance.
If your partner continually chooses not to tell you things that are affecting their lives in one way or the other, they slowly become emotionally distant from you, often being carried away in thought even when outwardly, everything seems okay with them. When you are able to read their mood, you would be able to engage them in conversations regarding the issues eating them up and sharing things together creates a bridge that connects you and your partner emotionally.
7. Deeply connected couples never stop learning about one another
Some lovers might be together for years and still never truly know themselves. This is one of the reasons so many relationships fail. Knowing your partner like the back of your palm tells a lot about the kind of connection you both share.
Knowing about your partner does not stop at just knowing their favorite colors, favorite TV shows or favorite food. It goes way deeper than that. You should see your partner as an extension of yourself in every way. Deeply connected couples see their other half as an extension of themselves and as such know them the way they know themselves.
You should be able to find out more intimate details about them. You should know the things and events that shaped their lives, believes and convictions. You should know their aspirations and deepest desires. Knowing all these and more will always give you an idea about why they act the way they do and help you know how to treat them and how to act around them.
Always try your best to learn a new thing about your partner as frequently as possible because the more you know about your partner, the stronger the bond and connection you will share.