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Mothers always want the best for their kids but most times various advice from different people can make being the best mom difficult.
With different people having their own opinion on how to raise your child, especially as a first-time mom you tend to get confused on the best way to raise your kid. The end goal of every mom is to raise a happy, strong, confident and well-behaved child.
So not knowing what to do all the time does not always mean you are a lousy mom…
Always know that it’s not important to always get it right, but rather you should focus on balancing priorities, juggling responsibility, raising healthy children and basically just loving the child the best way you can.
Being a mom is one of the best feelings that can happen to a woman. But at the same time being a mom can be the most difficult job ever; especially when you are a first-time mom and you have no idea what you are doing.
You tend to get scared over every little thing, along with the guilt that you might be doing everything wrong.
During the course of raising my kids, I came to understand that there is no right or wrong way of raising your child. Just doing what you feel is best for the child and loving the child unconditionally goes a long way in shaping your child.
So here are some tips I picked up that really helped me with my children, and I am hoping a new mom sees this and it helps in easing their guilt.
1. Be a leader and lead by example
As a mom, you are your child’s first role model, friend, and teacher, so it’s important you impact morals to these kids early on in their lives. Morals like honesty, respect, gratitude and truthfulness.
You don’t just tell them these things, but rather you lead by example because you are the first role model your kids will come in contact with.
So it is important you practice more rather than only telling them what to do because your child can see and emulate you.
As a parent, practising what you preach is one of the most effective methods you will ever need in training your child. When you tell your child not to tell lies, and he or she sees you lying to other grownups, they will get conflicted and eventually lie when it suits them.
For example, they can tell lies to get out of trouble and they won’t see anything wrong with it because they saw you do it too.
Sometimes doing something might be difficult for you, but for the sake of raising a morally upright child, you need to do the right thing even if it inconveniences you.
You should make them understand that taking shortcuts in life might seem like the easy way, but in truth, it’s the harder way. So even if it means doing something difficult in order to prove a point to your kid, then do it as long as it is the right thing to do and you are setting a good example in the process.
As a mom, you should show your child the right way to do things, if you want them to read always, just pick up a book and read and while reading give them one too.
You can never start practising what you preach too early because children tend to emulate what they see a lot, even from a very young age.
When you show positive attitudes in front of children and learn to be a model for good, they grow up exhibiting these attitudes wherever they go; helping them grow to be better people and lead a good life in the society.
2. Motivate them to try new things
As a mom, you ought to encourage and motivate your kids in whatever they do so they can give in their best and reach their full potentials.
Encourage them to try out new things like new clubs in school; be it the debate team, dance or even sports. They can even join causes that promote problems they face or see in the course of their daily activities.
Teach them that learning isn’t always about what they learn from books but also what they learn from their environment.
Be a strong source of motivation for your kids.
Teach them that it’s okay to try and fail. Failure shouldn’t stop them from doing things they love.
They might be interested in sports or joining a spelling bee for instance; they should be allowed. Your kids shouldn’t get cold feet because they are scared that they might fail.
You are one of the greatest sources of motivation for your kids, and your guidance in their lives will go a long way in motivating them in everything that they do. You shouldn’t harshly criticize your kids because they didn’t come out top in something. Rather you should support and encourage them even when they come out last, and this will give them the courage to do better next time.
You can always motivate your kids by always speaking to them positively.
I always tell my kids when I drop them off at school; “You are the best and you will do wonderful things today”.
With this kind of mindset, your kids will always be the best in everything that they do and no one can tell them otherwise because their mama already taught them to be the best that they can be.
3. Teach them to build relationships
While they are kids, it is a great idea to teach them the importance of building relationships with other people.
Teach them that little act of kindness helps in Building relationships, teach them to bring out their heads from their computer, and phone screen and make physical relationships with people and not just online relationships.
Make them understand that meeting the right people and building relationships with them can go a long way in shaping them into becoming better people.
Always tell them that no one can walk this earth alone and that they will need the help of those they meet along the way.
Building a relationship and forming bonds should be one vital part of their life, and it doesn’t just have to be with friends, but they can build great relationships with their siblings, cousins and other family members.
During this process, they will learn that they can’t walk this earth alone, and it gets easier if they meet the right people and build great relationships. This is something the need to learn as they grow older because building relationships is an important part of life.
They should know that needing people doesn’t necessarily mean they are weak, but rather it shows that they are strong enough to know how important it is to form strong meaningful connections.
4. Encourage your kids always
Most moms tend to want perfection from their kids forgetting that the more pressure they pile on these kids the sadder they might become, making some even fall into depression.
Encourage the little effort they are putting in the different parts of their life; be it in school or any other part. Believe in them and raise their morale.
Tell them they have it in them to do better. Teach them to believe in themselves. Nothing can bring down kids who believe in their ability.
Never ever compare them with their peers or ask them to behave like their peers, but rather encourage them to follow their heart and go for their dreams.
Teach them to believe in themselves and know that no matter how big the goals they set for themselves if they believe, then they can achieve it. All they need is to make an effort.
Encourage them to be the best they can be and that the sky is not their limit rather it is their starting point. Teach them to focus on themselves and not bother about what the world thinks of them.
5. Don’t worry about raising happy children
In our quest to raise happy children, we may assume the wrong moral burden. It better to focus on raising productive and moral kids, and simply hope that happiness will come to them.
Let’s face it they have to find their happy place and it is not something anyone can create for them.
In as much as raising happy kids is important, it should not take precedence over other important things like their welfare and general well being. If you believe that what’s making your child happy is not healthy for them, then it’s your duty as a mom to overlook their happiness and go for their well being.
If for example slouching away in front of the computer or phone all day is their major source of happiness, then it up to you as their mom to help them channel that energy into something else no matter how unhappy it might make the child.
6. Show your kids you value them as people
Kids need to learn how to love from the cradle and they can’t love others if they can’t love themselves first.
They also need to know that as their mom, you have unconditional love for them. They need to know you will still love them whether they fail or succeed.
Try to make an effort to know about their daily lives by engaging them in conversations daily, rather than ignoring them all day and simply going about your business.
Ask them about their day at school, what happened with friends, and about how they’re coping with their Academic work. Let them know they come first always.
Make sure you sit down and have conversations with your kids, hear them out and listen to their opinion. Make them feel useful and show them you respect their view. Make then feel important, loved and respected.
Show your kids that they come first before anyone or anything else. Always make them feel that they are your major priority and that you will always be there for them no matter how bad things get.
You should never judge them or castigate them. Let them know that they can always come to you for advice and anything they may need.
7. House chores
Teach your kids to do chores around the house without having to ask them first. When you absolve your kids from doing stuff around the house it might come back to bite them in their adult life.
Kids lack the ability to help out without being asked to, so you need to teach them to do basic things like making their own bed, arranging their bedrooms, washing the dishes and so on.
Teach both your male and female children the need to be self-independent and doing chores is one of the most basic ways to start asserting independence from a youthful age.
Teach your male children that cooking is not only a job reserved for the female gender.
Show them to make their bed as soon as they wake up in the morning, tidy their room, and pick up their toys. These simple actions will make them self reliant and it helps them know the importance of tidying up and taking care of their personal belongings.
8. Encourage special skills
As a mom, you should encourage any special skills your kids might possess.
Every child has a special gift and talent. Something they are good out. And they need to start channelling these special talents from a tender age.
These special attributes can show up in a traditional school setting, but there are plenty of children who shine outside of school. Activities like a mommy-and-me music class or karate lessons can open their minds, but your wallet doesn’t need to be involved.
Just make sure to be there to encourage and cheer them on.
It might be difficult to always be there due to the nature of your job, but trying to be there to cheer for them helps them build their confidence, knowing their mom is there in the audience supporting them and encouraging them.
Encouraging your kids in all they do will not necessarily cost you much or put a hole in your pocket. Helping them identify their hidden talent can always be a fun activity for both of you to take part in.
It also helps strengthen the bond of mother and child.
Being a mom is hard work, right? I know it’s not easy…
We tend to worry and think too much, wondering if we are doing the absolute best or thinking if maybe we are doing too much.
We worry about their wellbeing and worry basically about being a mom. Sometimes it can be scary knowing we would be responsible for such little beings till their adulthood, and even when they are adults, we still worry about them and we constantly check up on them just to ensure they are doing okay.
Just remember to breathe and find time for yourself because if you are not happy you can’t raise happy children. Just remember that a mother’s job is never done.